8 Tips on How to Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship
Intimacy is about fostering a deep connection with your partner to create a space that encourages vulnerability, honesty, stability, physical closeness, and a heightened sense of well-being. It shouldn't be translated as just sex or physical affection since it also encompasses mental, emotional, and spiritual connection.
With the lack of intimacy, couples can become increasingly distant and isolated as they feel their communication, emotional connection, and physical closeness dwindle. Individually, they may begin to struggle with any of the following:
● Weakened sense of identity
● Trust issues
● Guilt
● Hypersensitivity
● Low self-esteem
● Stress
● Anxiety
● Pent-up frustration and anger
● Resentment
● Depression
● Feelings of neglect
● Loneliness
● Sexual dysfunction
● Substance abuse
● Low levels of life satisfaction
What’s more unfortunate is that most of the personal struggles listed above are often the cause of intimacy problems in relationships where couples fail to communicate and understand each other.
Other causes of intimacy problems may include chronic illness or physical disability, childbirth, distractions (e.g., career, technology, and children), too many stressors (e.g., financial strain, poor work-home balance, problems with in-laws), exhaustion, incompatible values or lack of shared interests, mental health issues, hormonal imbalance, and abuse.
Lack of intimacy resulting in isolation has also been reported by research to cause several health problems, including a compromised immune system, obesity, metabolic syndrome, poor sleep, cognitive decline, and increased risk of cardiovascular and aging-related diseases.
8 Tips on How to Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship
1. Work on your communication.
Talk through your problems without resorting to heated arguments, blame-shifting, or name-calling. I recommend using the soft start-up by marriage therapist and book author John Gottman, Ph.D.
Remember that effective communication is a two-way street, so you would have to actively listen to your partner, showing them empathy and understanding as they do so.
2. Limit distractions.
Prioritize each other. Put down your phone and turn off the TV when you are around each other. Don’t bring work home. Make it a ritual to schedule time for date nights or outings. Call a nanny or trusted family to care for the kids so you can go out together without letting your parental responsibilities get in the way.
3. Be vulnerable.
Don’t be afraid to bare it all — your true thoughts, feelings, hurts, fears, mistakes, insecurities, goals, needs, and desires to your partner. It is one of the best ways to increase emotional intimacy. The biggest obstacle to vulnerability in any relationship is often the fear of judgment. But if you want your partner to know you on a deep level and increase the intimacy you share, then you will have to conquer this fear.
Also, be the person your partner can trust. Accept and embrace their imperfections as they do yours. Join them to face their fears and be their loudest cheerleader.
4. Do activities together.
Instead of engaging in separate activities during leisure time, try to partake in activities of shared interest with your partner. They are easier to execute and create a sense of familiarity.
Consider introducing each other to hobbies you enjoy individually or with friends. Doing this will help you learn and appreciate new things about each other, contributing to your intellectual intimacy.
Some activities to increase intimacy include taking nature walks, going to a comedy show, camping, gardening, dance lessons, and working out at the local gym.
5. Ask for intimacy.
What do you do when you need a hug, kiss, hotter sex or roleplay sex, words of affirmation or
appreciation, support, a listening ear, or a safe space? The best way is to ask!
Open communication is essential when asking for intimacy in a relationship. Choose a comfortable setting, express your feelings positively, and be direct yet gentle. Acknowledge your partner's emotions, ask open-ended questions, and be patient. Highlight the emotional connection, discuss expectations, and offer reassurance, fostering a respectful and understanding dialogue.
Appreciate your partner with words of affirmation and compliments.
Invest in knowing and improving yourself. You can lose yourself and each other in a relationship if you can’t find yourself outside it.
Seek professional help.
If you’re looking for more customized help on navigating the complexities of your relationship, consider booking an appointment TODAY with Whitney B. Therapy, PLLC.