Black Women & The Masks we Wear

Unsolicited Opinion

Don’t Lie to Yourself. If you must lie, cool. Lie to everyone else about what’s going on. Lie about how everything’s fine, how you’re not thinking about him, or how you’re not disappointed. Wear your mask proudly at work, home, gym, girls’ night out, or whatever social event you are expected to partake in. I’m not an advocate of lying but do what you need to do sis. There’s no judgment here. However, my one ask is that you don’t lie to yourself.

Don’t lie to yourself so much that you start to believe the lie you’ve been telling is the truth. You know you're hurting. You know that the thing that pissed you off maybe wasn’t supposed to upset you. Because if it did anger you, it may mean that you were jealous, petty, and insecure.

So, I get it. I get not wanting to admit that in front of others, especially if you can’t trust that you won’t be judged in that environment. It’s hard to be you all the time, in every setting when you are healed and whole, let alone when you feel broken and overwhelmed. Life is difficult but we’ve been trained to push forward regardless. We don’t let others see us sweat. There are many factors that produced this way of thinking, but I want to discuss a specific one.

Culture.

As a black woman, I am familiar with the strong black woman trope. You must work three times as hard. You have two strikes, because you're black and because you’re a woman. We keep our emotions in check because If we cry, who will care. We are not only encouraged to be resilient through the hell that we go through but we are also given a badge of honor for it. However, strength requires one to endure pressure under substantial weight over time. We don’t work out one day and notice a considerable difference in our strength. Our strength is built after days, weeks, and months of endurance under the weight of pressure. We are strong black women who are resilient in the face of whatever life throws at us.

But the question is

At one point is it too much? What is our max at strength building and what does it look like? What are the red flags?

I think

It’s a different cap for each person. You must look inside of yourself and be honest with yourself. Acknowledge and value your emotions. You don’t have to drown in them, but you have an emotional trigger for a reason. Figuring out what that trigger is and exploring the reasons why in an emotionally safe environment, like a therapy office, can allow you the space to heal. What are healthy boundaries for you? Why do you become a social media stalker with every man there may be a connection with? Why do you get mad when people seem too happy as if there is nothing in the world that can make them that damn giggly?

Why?

It's about you getting to know yourself, so you can heal, grow, and get your actual needs met. So, again I say to you and say to myself, be honest with you. I’m not telling you to lie to others. But if you must lie to others, to be able to make it through the day without falling apart, make space where you can be truthful with yourself.

Therapy is a great way to get to know yourself better. If you’re in the state of Texas, book an appointment with me TODAY.